I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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