So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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