you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
