She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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