Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
