fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
