i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
