Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
