I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's get the cat blown out
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
