He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
