Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
