some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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