If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
