happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm always down for nudity.
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