Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
