I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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