I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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