And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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