I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
