i already hear my dad disowning me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
