My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
