exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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