I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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