We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
