its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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