a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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