With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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