Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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