he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
