Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
