I got chris browned last night
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i love accidental penises.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
