Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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