we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
