Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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