.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
