im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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