Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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