Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
