my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
