yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my sisters under your porch take her home
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
