Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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