TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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