Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
