I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
