How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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