Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
