ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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