It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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