I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
