Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The uberlube is also flammable
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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