So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
