My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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