I wish my penis had an off switch
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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