I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
