I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize