dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
