Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
