My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
