You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
