the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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