Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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