My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
