You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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