OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
