i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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