You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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