I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
