do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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