i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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