wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
