rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
