Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
